Sunday, January 29, 2012

How the times have changed...

Sitting in my home this Friday night, I was partaking in my usual barley and malt smoothie flipping through the cable channels when I came across something that made me raise my one heavy ass eyebrow, an amazing feat in itself.  Pretty Woman, the story about a dirty hooker that hits the whore lottery is being shown on the Family Channel.  The Family Channel is a staple in my 10 year old daughter's viewing range so I was a little shocked.  I'm not typically the parent that blocks my kid from watching some of the less edgy content on TV, I mean, I’ve let her have marathons of the Ren and Stimpy show and let her download and listen to whatever music she'd like.  This was different.  Who are the programmers of this station to think that they can corrupt my child more than I already do?  I can just see the typical upper American family gathering around the T.V. in the living room sipping on hot cocoa, singing zippity doo-da, all dressed in jammies, ready for a downright wholesome film to model their life after, and showing is this tale of a slut who flosses after eating strawberries but let’s every low life, crusty guy with a buck violate her.  Can you imagine when the questions start coming from the kids?  Daddy, what color rubber would you pick?  Mommy, is that how you met Daddy?  The comments at school would be just as entertaining.  On career day when little Rayden, cause no kid has a normal name anymore, proclaims that she wants work at a bordello instead of the office.  How do you explain certain aspects of the movie?  Now you see kids, this movie isn’t real.  He's rich; he doesn't have to pay for ass...Or...In real life kids, if she opened her legs in the bathtub, all the water would disappear.  So, the next time you read a story in the news about a crack whore who threw her life away to live on the streets; don't blame her parents, teachers, or society.  Blame the Family Channel, Julia Roberts, Richard Gere, and the bald guy from Seinfeld that looks like he's always staring into the sun.