Sunday, March 10, 2013

The Battle of the Alamo, What REALLY Went Down

Last week was Texas independence week and a whole lot of the focus was based around the Alamo in my home city of San Antonio.  I guess if getting your ass kicked by a bunch of mexicans is independence, there are a lot of white boxers out there that are free as a mofo.  So, I didn't really pay attention in history class but I do remember bits and pieces of certain events.  This particular story is what I remember between naps and daydreaming.  You see, the Alamo is a big place and there were always a bunch of men hanging around in it.  The place ain't gonna clean itself.  So the landlord hired a couple of cleaning ladies.  These ladies were of mexican decent.  I'll just call them "Lupita", and "Hortencia" since i'm stereotypical that way and none of my friends are named that so no one will get pissed at me.  L and H were cleaning the mens room at the Mo when Davy Crockett rolls in drunk off his ass and pees all over the floor.  He looked at L and H and laughed before telling them to go make some tacos.  This don't sit well with two 35 year old ladies who have 27 kids between them so they made some calls.  Their kids got pissed at the disrespect so they called all of their unemployed cousins to go handle some business.  The next day, 2200 people showed up and they loaded up two station wagons and hauled ass to San Antonio.  One of the cousin's sister had a quincenera the year before so they all had  matching outfits.  When they showed up to the Alamo, the Texans freaked out.  There was no construction scheduled that day so they knew they were in trouble.  They locked all the doors and ran to get their guns.  There was a big battle for a couple of days but then the Mexicans had enough.  They stormed the place and since the girls back home had another 40 kids that week they decided they could take some losses.  The battle was bloody and when it was all said and done, the mexicans had won.  They stayed at the Alamo a few more weeks till the rent was due before they headed up the road to San Jacinto.  I'm not quite sure what happened after that but by the looks of it nowadays there must have been a job fair there for concrete workers and trash men.  So the next time you go down to the alamo, remember the true history and heritage...of when Ozzy peed on it just like davy Crockett did to start the whole mess.