Monday, May 14, 2012

The Package

So, yesterday was Mother's Day.  When you've only talked to your mother once or twice in the last 6 months it's a bit difficult to get excited about the day.  I went through the motions of the day and even secretly made a phone call to her despite my sense of pride.  Having lost a friend last week and reading about a lot of my friends who have lost their mothers and miss them dearly, there was no way I could vent my frustration on a day like that.  My relationship with mom has been quite strained since I had a physical altercation with her then spouse.  You see, like many sons who love their close ones we have a responsibility to protect them.  When a grown man is cussing out my mother and sister in front of me,  he's gonna find out real quick who the fuck I am.  I did'nt think about the consequences until later, when I found out she was back in his arms.  Fast forward to now.  I'm 1600 miles away, alone.  The simple comforts of phone calls don't come as often as I anticipated, yet my obligation to be the bigger man never stops.  Today, there was a package in the mail for my fiance and it contained some very nice things and a card.  My mood was dashed whereas it would normally be uplifted.  The reason is because the package was from her mom.  I'm positive that it was done out of a deep love that I haven't felt in a while.  My heart sinks as I write this.  I sacrifice so much for people. I do everything that I feel needs to be done to be a decent human being. I keep my head up like a man even when I feel I can't anymore.  I try to spread laughter and joy to people. I love NOTHING more than to make those around me happy.  I'm the best father I can be.  I work hard and do everything I can to make more money and jump at every opportunity that would benefit my fiance and I.  In return, I deal with a weird sense of emptyness.  I've had my ass handed to me at every stage in my life and have always fought my way through it.  This is no different.  I have tons to be greatful for and my relationship with my fiance is the best thing I've ever had in my life aside from my daughter.  I just needed to put the mask away and vent for a minute.  I ask that you cherish your relationships.  Don't go a day without telling the ones you love how you feel.  It makes all the difference in the world to those who secretly hurt.         

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Freedom of Speech-or Lack Thereof

Censorship in any form sucks.  We as Americans are given basic rights as citizens and the one that is probably taken for granted the most is our freedom of speech.  As our media outlets grow and our social networking is at an all time high, I am discovering that freedom of speech comes with serious consequences.  Not a day goes by that a politician or celebrity or anyone who's given a strong opinion about their beliefs is retracting a previous statement and apologizing to the masses for offending one group or another.  Aside from some moral obligations that we have, I think we as people should say what we want to say and stand firm behind our statements.  It bothers me that even athletes have to monitor what they say to give politically correct answers to appeal to the audience in fear of a backlash.  People are so different in every aspect and each person has his or her belief system that is unique to themselves.  People should realize that no matter what is said, you are not going to please everyone.  I would be lucky if half of my family at a gathering agree with anything I say.  For once I would love to hear an athlete say how they really feel.  I don't want to hear the cliche stuff that has become the norm.  "We got beat because the other team just executed and we couldn't", or "We just didn't stick to our game plan and make the adjustments we needed to get the win".  I want to hear "We just flat out sucked ass tonight, and my teamates kept fucking up", or "That stupid ass ref don't know shit".  That to me, is entertainment.  A few years ago the media world was turned upside-down when Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake performed at the Super Bowl halftime show.  At some point in the act, Justin grabbed a piece of clothing on Janet that tore away to reveal a crusty nipple that looked like a cooked sandollar with a burnt marshmallow on top.  That set everything in motion that would pretty much destroy the freedoms we once had.  Radio deejays had to tone down their act.  Some even jumped ship to satellite radio where they could protect their right of freedom of speech that terrestrial radio could not give them.  At this point, I'm not happy with the path our country is taking to not offend the blue hairs and conservatives that bitch and moan every chance they get.  Take back what is ours.  Say what you believe, and stand by it.  Don't apologize cause some jackass can't handle what you have to say.  I live by the words my grandma taught me at a young age and I'd like to pass them on to you.  She said "If people don't like what you have to say, fuck it in a bucket".  I'll be back next week to issue an apology on behalf of myself and granny.