Sunday, June 29, 2014

So Close, No Matter How Far...

I'm a social media whore pretty much.  I get off to the idea that I can stay connected with people I can't normally see on a regular basis and especially those who live long distances from me.  This weekend opened my eyes a bit.  We drove down to the Texas coast which by normal standards is a hell of a road trip.  Only there was I able to meet up with old friends that live merely minutes away from me.  The question was raised on the beach as we caught up and reflected.  "Why do we have to drive 200 miles to hang out when we're normally 5 minutes away from each other?"  The past few weeks a friend of mine and sister in law spearheaded a reunion for all of the people that went to our high school.  The response was less than overwhelming.  Again, why?  Why is it ok to see each other in passing at a funeral or a hospital but we can't sacrifice enough time to get together for a meal or just to show our appreciation for each other?  We are so comfortable being one with each other via a social media site but not face to face.  I have friends on Facebook that I rarely ever spoke to and some people I flat out never met in person.  We are comfortable with divulging intimate details of our lives with strangers on the biggest open outlet known to man but ask them to come over for a drink and all of a sudden things are awkward.  It's time we stepped it up.  I genuinely care about my friends and if I have to organize a reunion every few months to see them, then thats what I'm gonna do.  Hell, if I have to see 800 pictures of your newborn every day, at least let me meet the little guy/girl.  I mean that in a smart ass way of course but I hope you get my point.  Life is short, peeps.  I much rather say goodbye to you with a hug and not while looking in a casket.  Until next time, I love you all, you're beautiful.

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Peace, Love, and Confusion

I sit at my laptop a bit of a mess today as I woke up to some disturbing words aimed my way.  I know I'm not the best type of friend to have.  I hate schedules, appointments, and I hate rushing.  I have a gigantic family and several friends so it's impossible for me to spend as much time as I'd like with everyone I want to. My demeanor is simple, I don't like to have any enemies or have anyone with negative thoughts about me.  I do my best to be someone who is enjoyable to be around.  My favorite thing in the world is to make people laugh.  I've said a million times that life is too short to have any kind of negativity in my life.  So why did these words destroy my day before it started?  Because I felt that I'd failed.  I failed as a friend, a person, and I failed someone who I care about and respect.  My intentions are never to hurt anybody.  Maybe I've undermined how enjoyable I can be.  I don't know.  In retrospect it will teach me how to move forward and be everything that I want to be as a person.  A better husband, father, and most of all, friend.  I learn from things that happen to me and don't take things for granted.  I radiate love but at this moment I feel that inside me is a black heart.  They say time heals, in this case I pray it does.  I have so many regrets in life that I can't get back.  The only thing I can do is dust myself off and push forward.  Till next time, I love you all....you're beautiful.

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Memories of Memories

This past year I was sick a lot.  My time in and out of the hospitals really put my life in perspective.  I thought of all the amazing people in my life whether they were part of my past or still in it.  The influences of my friends and family have impacted me in so many ways I couldn't imagine leaving this world without letting them know exactly how I feel.  I decided to write each person a little something via Facebook with memories and anything else I wanted.  I found that my memories of them, no matter how vivid and clear to me, were not always remembered by the person I was trying to honor.  Does that make my gesture invalid?  Does this mean that I was or am not anywhere close to being important and influential to them as they are to me?  I started to feel pretty small about it.  My good deeds to myself always seem to bring me down a bit.  I was thinking that maybe I should have just dedicated a song that reminded me of them and let that tell the story I was trying to get across.  Then I realized that whatever came from my heart is what they were supposed to hear.  I realized that it doesn't matter what mark I've made on them, the point is to show what they've done to influence and shape me.  I will continue to write for them cause I have a long way to go.  So many awesome people have crossed my path.  I've created a very long task.  Life is very short, though.  Be sure to let the people you love and care about know exactly how you feel.  I don't go a day without telling my wife and daughter that I love them.  Try not to hold grudges.  Easier said than done, I know.  The most rewarding part of life is love.  Don't forget that.  Till next time, I love you all, you're beautiful.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

The Easter Bunny (and other tall tales)

Well, it's that time of year again when pretty much every family has already blown their tax return and are looking for excuses to return joy to their lives.  Look no further, we have Easter!  What should be a huge triumph for the faithful has taken the path of Christmas and has gone commercial.  Instead of celebrating the core of christian faith, the masses have turned the symbol of life to natures' biggest fornicator, the rabbit.  I don't know about you but the rabbit hasn't a damn thing to do with Jesus, his sacrifices, and what he gave to the world and for us believers.  Around my house, rabbits are merely pests that the coyotes feast on.  The little bastards don't ever leave any candy on my doorstep but all of a sudden he magically takes on super powers to be at every mall in america to take the most expensive, pointless pictures known to man.  Before you judge, the easter bunny never took any presidence in my house growing up so maybe I'm biased.  I was never really sure of Santa's fat ass either cause we didn't have a chimney and I never heard a doorbell.  Aside from that, I feel that it is time to stop glorifying fictitious things in celebration of our faith and Lord.  On top of one of the biggest lies people push on their kids is the symbol of the egg on easter.  I'm no scholar but I'm pretty sure rabbits don't shit out eggs to reproduce.  Show me ANY animal that produces chocolate and I will be the best known animal farmer the world has ever known.  Speaking of eggs, I'd like to meet whoever started bashing people over the head with hollow eggs filled with confetti and return every concussion I suffered enduring this traditional practice.  I guess you can't have fun without some kind of punishment.  The last thing I'd like to change is the label of "good" friday.  There ain't a damn thing good about what that day represents unless you have front row seats to the pointless parades that we have to mark the darkest day of Jesus' life.  So, I leave you with that as I go stand in line somewhere to find a basket with fake plastic grass and every diabetics nightmare.  All in celebration of when the world created a chocolate egg shitting rabbit.  Till next time...

Saturday, January 18, 2014

The Measurement of Success

This year started pretty rough for me.  Anxiety and depression rear their ugly heads as I try to figure myself out and take a sharp left turn in ways of career.  My pride has gotten in the way of making this change as I don't want to sell myself short.  Then I asked myself, where is the line of selling myself short?  My whole life I have strived to be a good provider and hard worker.  I want to be able to look at myself and deem my life "successful."  I realize at this point that success isn't always based on career and how a person makes a living.  I took a line from Don Corleone in "The Godfather" when he tells a slimy drug pusher that "it makes no difference to me what you do for a living."  I've always felt that way toward anyone who works a steady job.  I treat everybody equally no matter what job they perform.  I joked at one time and asked why it is that people with a big job title that make a lot of money are the only ones that ask what I do for a living.  I live a happy life and am surrounded by a ton of people who love me.  I have a beautiful daughter and wife whom I love with all my heart and who loves me just as much.  If you've seen me lately you know I have plenty of food on the table.  I may not drive the newest or best looking vehicle in the world but I love my truck.  My kids (ol dirty) Baxter and Teagan look up to me no matter what.  They may be dogs but I'll take what I can get.  I'm going to end this with a story that changed my life as I saw it.  Years ago my uncle Eddie and I were driving up the road looking for a place to eat.  It was a friday night.  We stopped at a not so big named steak restaurant that is now defunct.  We ordered our steaks and were served the skinniest most pathetic slab of meat we'd ever seen.  As we complained about our pathetic meal I looked over to another table and saw a man and woman who had just finished their meals.  The woman's arms were wrapped around the man and she kissed his check over and over in between her words that made him smile from ear to ear.  Their kids ran around and laughed loudly.  The man had a look on his face of pure happiness I'll never forget.  Point is, what we deemed as a poor experience and pathetic food was probably the pinnacle of this family's week.  I envied the man for throwing his hard earned money toward his family and not at a bartender.  I felt that for the first time I had seen success and that was what I wanted to achieve.  As I continue my journey, I'm sure I'll look back at this point in my life and realize that I am not judged by what I have but who I am.  Gotta go, headed to the county dump.  I look forward to going every week to yap with my buddy that runs it.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Man, I'm Getting Old!!!

It's fitting that I start this blog with the words "back in the day," cause I find myself referencing to them quite often lately.  Every time I do, I get a quick mental picture of my dad telling me some story that I no doubt rolled my eyes over as a kid.  Flash forward to 2013 and my daughter's eyes roll more than a set of dice on the Las Vegas strip.  One of the things I do the most is reference how the whipper snappers of this generation have no clue what it was like to grow up like we did.  I mean, do kids even play outside anymore?  I got behind a school bus the other morning that stopped at every kid on the bus' house!  I clearly remember walking a half mile to one designated stop that the whole neighborhood met at.  If we didn't walk, we had our identity on wheels…the bike.  Each of our bike's showed your personality, tastes, and in a nutshell, your social status.  I was a huffy guy wheareas the "rich" kids drove mongoose and otherwise.  If we were lucky, at the end of the night we could have an hour or so playing Atari.  I think i still hold the record for  Defender but don't quote me on that.  Another huge problem I have is that I can't get into much new music.  I find myself going backwards in my music catalog.  The classics are as fresh to me as the mundane crap that's popular these days.  Even in TV I find myself gravitating towards Antiques Roadshow instead of the popular new shows.  My body is by far the best indicator of losing my spring chicken status.  Hangovers used to last hours and now last days.  I have hair growing out of places that just aren't natural.  I have a grey hair that is in my right ear that requires monthly maintenance.  My eyebrows look like Bert from sesame street and I can damn near put a weave or braid my nipple hair.  I took my 12 year old to meet her teachers and was told that I was embarrasing her.  That was when it hit me.  Never in my life did I think I would become that.  I had come to the realization that even though my youth was behind me, I have a new chapter of my life to enjoy and embrace.  These are the best days of my life.  All the lessons learned in my youth can now be applied so that I don't make the same mistakes I made when I was younger.  I've learned who my true friends are.  I learned who I am.  This life is no longer about just me.  It's about establishing a FUTURE with the ones I love.  To that, I say bring it on.  If my hair turns grey or falls out, it'll be with no resistance from me.  If my hip breaks, at least I know I can count on my loved ones to get around.  Seeing a concert from the seats instead of the mosh pit does have it's advantages.  To the memories i've made and the ones that will come, I say till next time peeps.  I think theres a Matlock marathon on today.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

The Hypocrisy of God Vs. Government

Everyone I know has some concept of a higher power or the idea of consequences or rewards of the afterlife.  Some of the biggest holy rollers I know are the biggest hypocrites when it comes to following the word of God according to the bible.  Most have sinned till it became habit, found a church to go to, and are quick to judge the ones that follow in their old past.  Although the word of the bible is the guideline of life the constitution has a bigger impact on how people act in everyday life.  I asked, why is that?  My only conclusion is thinking that it's a fact of life because if you break a law the results can be immediate and will affect your life accordingly whereas if one sins, the results aren't felt right away.  So who really has more control of your life?  What I mean is, why do more people choose to live by the law but not by their higher belief?  My thought is because when it comes to laws, they can be changed according to what better suits a sinner.  Amendments were created to change with the times.  When it doesn't suit a majority of people or how THEY sin, laws are not amended to suit them.  When these closet sinners don't get their way, they are the quickest to site...you guessed it, the bible.  I say we wipe the board clean and if the bible is gonna affect laws, they should across the board and not just what suits the rich and powerful lawmakers.  In our government, money is power.  Always has been, always will be.  That's why the grossly overpaid are able to avoid due consequences when they break laws and your uncle spends half his life in jail for stealing a lollipop from the convenience store.  From what I understand all men were created equal but basic human rights in our "free" country are being violated daily.  Without getting specific, all men and women are created equal and are guaranteed basic freedoms unless it comes to lifestyle decisions that our powerful politicians don't agree with.  Even though most of these politicians are the downright scum of this country that sin for a living, they choose what we can and can't have.  The same politicians that cheat on their wives and lie daily for personal gain are the ones that say homosexuals can't have the same rights of marriage that the rest of us do.  I call bullshit.  Aside from politicians I see the hypocrisy all around me.  I hear a lot of the faithful bitch and moan about how a lady with 10 kids collecting food stamps and housing benefits don't deserve taxpayer money but stand firm about being pro-life.  It's a child of God when it's unborn but not my responsibility when it comes to my taxes.  The same people that say the bible defined the law of marriage are the same ones that are in marriage counseling or constantly fighting and coveting other people.  I guess it's gonna take a gay president to make the changes for equality and the Castro brothers are moving up fast.  This isn't intended to challenge the word of God, it's my way of trying to get hard headed people to think before they judge.  Put your bible away and let your common sense guide you just a little bit.  Remember, you can't control the destiny of others.  Mind your own beeswax and do what suits you.  The country is in a bad state right now, looks like we could use some open minded changes cause your traditional views don't seem to be working.  I'm out, my gay illegal alien cousin is having an abortion with her welfare check.