A Daddy/Daughter Summer

A lot of you know that the hardest decision of my life was made last year when I opted to leave San Antonio, Texas to live in Maryland.  Not only was I leaving my friends, family, and career behind but I was also leaving the single most important person in my life.  My daughter Azilee has been the foundation of my life since she was born in 2001.  I'll never forget how hard I cried when I said goodbye to her before making the trek up north.  Fast forward to a few weeks ago and something great came out of it.  For the first time, I was able to take advantage of my summer visitation rights.  She hopped on a plane and into my home for an extended stay.  I could see right away by her smart ass attitude and incredible sense of humor that she took after me in several ways.  She clings to me to the point that my shadow booked ass cause there was no point in trying to keep up with her.  She's been my sioux chef in the kitchen and we've invented a top secret mashed potato recipe that she swears she's going to open a restaurant based on.  I guess it will be a Ramen noodle, mashed potato restaurant as those are the only two things she knows how to make.  Overall it's been an amazing experience for me and my heart melts knowing that she sleeps in the next bedroom over.  She makes me laugh hard everyday and I really look forward to saying goodnight to her every night.  The time is almost coming where we head back to take her home.  It saddens me that the time leading up to this seemed to take forever and now it's almost gone.  I ask each one of you with children to cherish every moment you have with your kids.  Create traditions, do things that will make memories they will never forget.  Don't take one minute for granted with them.  That is all for now, gotta go wake her up as its almost noon and her breakfast has gotten cold.  I guess Ramen and mashed potatoes it is.

From Mad Men to Magic Mike

As a nation of horny lonely women anticipate the release of the movie Magic Mike, it occurred to me that the tides have turned on the men of this world when it comes to chauvinism.  No longer are the days of the crusty construction worker screaming cat calls at women crossing the job site with us.  These days are the days of the cougar!  The only thing missing is the equivalent of the members only jacket for the girls.  Back in the day, if an older man wanted to court a younger women he was considered a pathetic old pervert.  In the 2000's, hordes of older ladies turned the tides and started robbing the cradle as a sense of entitlement.  Samantha from Sex and the City became a role model for those who grew tired of Viagra popping men.  Midlife crisis cars were no match for a younger man with more stamina where it counted.  I've learned another thing or two recently about the evolution taking place.  Women have no shame anymore when it comes to sexuality.  Sex toy parties are more popular than ever.  Back massagers are going out of business because the stigma is all but gone.  Let's face it, hundreds of millions of people didn't end up on this earth from two people watching television together.  Why hide what makes the world go round?  Based on the reaction to a few male stars baring some skin on the big screen, women are done hiding it.  One of the biggest differences is how women react to seeing men bare all as opposed to how men handle themselves when put in a similar situation.  Women act as wild and crazy as they can when they are put in this type of environment.  They scream, yell, let loose, and ultimately let out their inner whore.  Men act nonchalant about a half naked women on a pole in a thong.  The code is just different.  Maybe we've just gotten soft.  Until next time, I gotta go.  My mani and pedi await. 

The Man That I've Become

As I get older, I'm noticing some weird changes in myself.  I'm having to treat abnormal hair growth in my ears, nose, back, eyebrows, and only god knows where else.  My stubborness has reached new levels, my love for oldies music is out of control, and my belly has reached a growth that only pregnant women experience.  After careful consideration I sat with my arms crossed with a puzzled look on my face when it hit me so hard I felt like one of Chris Brown's girlfriends.  I am turning into my dad!!!  This, of course is not a bad thing.  It made me take a good look in the mirror and ask when all this happened.  I don't remember giving a lesson with every speech I give.  Have I really been talking about the good ol' days when I was a kid?  I felt like maybe I should carry some of the other good qualities that my pop has.  He's always put our family and everyone in it first.  He's always had a gentle heart, even though he looks like he could strangle a bear.  (I'm sure it's crossed his mind to strangle me at times!)  He's always had a very strong work ethic, something I've always tried to model.  Overall, he is the example of the all american dad, and maybe a Harley is in my future!  I have incredible memories of going to baseball games with him and everytime I have had an event that I have participated in, he's been there.  Cheers, Pop.  I'm looking forward to some of the other changes I may encounter during this transformation...except your Build-A-Bear obsession.  

The Domesticated Man

I took a vacation day today.  Most men my age would have done so to go fishing, or hit up a ballgame.  I did it so I could catch up on housework, laundry, and to go do our grocery shopping.  It may seem strange or odd to some but I asked around and it seems that more and more men are picking up the slack at the homefront these days.  I also noticed that the women who's men helped to some degree were happier about that aspect of their relationship.  As I've said before, the womans role in the house has changed dramatically over the years.  They are more independent, educated, and most make more money than their spouses.  That is definitely the case in my household.  I feel that in order to earn my keep so to speak, I can do things around the house to take the pressure off of my fiance when she gets home from a long day or week at the office.  Of course the role of the nagging housewife has been put in my hands as well.  I seem to be the one hollering all the time about her not picking up her clothes or not rinsing a dish.  I'm sure at this point that I nag worse than my mom ever did.  Point is, I'm here to do what it takes to make my relationship as stress free as i can. If that means I have to put on my Aunt Jemima outfit and clean the bathtub, I say pass me the rubber gloves and pine sol and watch my fat ass go.  Peace with chicken grease, peeps.  I got a list of stuff I gotta get done. 

The Package

So, yesterday was Mother's Day.  When you've only talked to your mother once or twice in the last 6 months it's a bit difficult to get excited about the day.  I went through the motions of the day and even secretly made a phone call to her despite my sense of pride.  Having lost a friend last week and reading about a lot of my friends who have lost their mothers and miss them dearly, there was no way I could vent my frustration on a day like that.  My relationship with mom has been quite strained since I had a physical altercation with her then spouse.  You see, like many sons who love their close ones we have a responsibility to protect them.  When a grown man is cussing out my mother and sister in front of me,  he's gonna find out real quick who the fuck I am.  I did'nt think about the consequences until later, when I found out she was back in his arms.  Fast forward to now.  I'm 1600 miles away, alone.  The simple comforts of phone calls don't come as often as I anticipated, yet my obligation to be the bigger man never stops.  Today, there was a package in the mail for my fiance and it contained some very nice things and a card.  My mood was dashed whereas it would normally be uplifted.  The reason is because the package was from her mom.  I'm positive that it was done out of a deep love that I haven't felt in a while.  My heart sinks as I write this.  I sacrifice so much for people. I do everything that I feel needs to be done to be a decent human being. I keep my head up like a man even when I feel I can't anymore.  I try to spread laughter and joy to people. I love NOTHING more than to make those around me happy.  I'm the best father I can be.  I work hard and do everything I can to make more money and jump at every opportunity that would benefit my fiance and I.  In return, I deal with a weird sense of emptyness.  I've had my ass handed to me at every stage in my life and have always fought my way through it.  This is no different.  I have tons to be greatful for and my relationship with my fiance is the best thing I've ever had in my life aside from my daughter.  I just needed to put the mask away and vent for a minute.  I ask that you cherish your relationships.  Don't go a day without telling the ones you love how you feel.  It makes all the difference in the world to those who secretly hurt.         

Freedom of Speech-or Lack Thereof

Censorship in any form sucks.  We as Americans are given basic rights as citizens and the one that is probably taken for granted the most is our freedom of speech.  As our media outlets grow and our social networking is at an all time high, I am discovering that freedom of speech comes with serious consequences.  Not a day goes by that a politician or celebrity or anyone who's given a strong opinion about their beliefs is retracting a previous statement and apologizing to the masses for offending one group or another.  Aside from some moral obligations that we have, I think we as people should say what we want to say and stand firm behind our statements.  It bothers me that even athletes have to monitor what they say to give politically correct answers to appeal to the audience in fear of a backlash.  People are so different in every aspect and each person has his or her belief system that is unique to themselves.  People should realize that no matter what is said, you are not going to please everyone.  I would be lucky if half of my family at a gathering agree with anything I say.  For once I would love to hear an athlete say how they really feel.  I don't want to hear the cliche stuff that has become the norm.  "We got beat because the other team just executed and we couldn't", or "We just didn't stick to our game plan and make the adjustments we needed to get the win".  I want to hear "We just flat out sucked ass tonight, and my teamates kept fucking up", or "That stupid ass ref don't know shit".  That to me, is entertainment.  A few years ago the media world was turned upside-down when Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake performed at the Super Bowl halftime show.  At some point in the act, Justin grabbed a piece of clothing on Janet that tore away to reveal a crusty nipple that looked like a cooked sandollar with a burnt marshmallow on top.  That set everything in motion that would pretty much destroy the freedoms we once had.  Radio deejays had to tone down their act.  Some even jumped ship to satellite radio where they could protect their right of freedom of speech that terrestrial radio could not give them.  At this point, I'm not happy with the path our country is taking to not offend the blue hairs and conservatives that bitch and moan every chance they get.  Take back what is ours.  Say what you believe, and stand by it.  Don't apologize cause some jackass can't handle what you have to say.  I live by the words my grandma taught me at a young age and I'd like to pass them on to you.  She said "If people don't like what you have to say, fuck it in a bucket".  I'll be back next week to issue an apology on behalf of myself and granny.   

The Name Game-Where Have All the Dick's Gone?

A few weeks ago, I was talking with my supervisor at work whose granddaughter had just had a baby.  Among the typical questions concerning the baby's health, weight, and looks came the obvious question.  What did she name her?  My supervisor, Richard looked at me and said "some weird name that I can't even pronounce".  I thought it was a joke at first but after he made a few attempts to say the baby's name, I realized he was serious.  This got the mouse in my head to jump on the rusty wheel and start wondering about the evolution of naming kids.  I understand that names at one point had gotten pretty redundant.  I am one of millions of Christophers on the planet.  Just going through my personal contact list I found several Jennifers, Joes, Michaels, Monicas, Steves, and Bryons or Brians, or Bryans.  Each of these people defines themselves with such a different character that the name is simply a reference point in their individuality.  Where did the name machine break and start throwing out insanely puzzling staples?  I asked several of my friends if they had noticed this trend also and the results of the examples they gave me were jaw dropping.  Parents have been naming their children Sniper, Pepper, La-A, Snickers, Pepsi, Ti9ne, Mister, Breezy, Thereheis, Shelf, Punnany, Rope, Placenta, and the most common odd name was ABCDE.  My good friend Jamie Janosky had some great points to make about the change in parent's thinking when it comes to naming their kids.  Jamie says “The naming of children has morphed into an extension of ego harboring that parent's self esteem.  Parents today are in a place where they feel so plain vanilla in their own skin that they scratch the need to be different by naming their kids silly things not caring about the added social pressure and ridicule that it will bring to them".  We both agree that the bullying aspect should be taken into consideration when giving kid's their identity.  We all remember the kid in class that had the off the wall name or the name that rhymed with something lewd or offensive.  It was an everyday ritual to tease these kids for something they had nothing to do with.  I remember getting teased because a girl in my class had the same last name as me.  Of course to an immature first grader it had to mean that we were married.  Kids are cruel, but what I've learned here is that parents can be crueler.  Jamie pointed out that “Parents, while picking a name, could and should still pick something cool for them without subjecting them to the added bullshit that comes along with an odd name."  I couldn't agree more.  I had an easy task of naming my daughter.  Her name Azilee was passed down from her elders in her family.  Relevant with an old school vibe.  On the flip side of the odd names, there is a resurgence of these types of names.  Chloe, Emma, Grace, Clara, Eva, and Violet have made a splash as of late.  Bottom line is- I could care less what you name your kid.  I just hope that you put some thought into it.  If you wouldn't name your pet hamster ABCDE, why would you name your offspring that?  I gotta go, have to go buy a 1st birthday present for my friend’s son, LMNOP.