Saturday, April 12, 2014

The Easter Bunny (and other tall tales)

Well, it's that time of year again when pretty much every family has already blown their tax return and are looking for excuses to return joy to their lives.  Look no further, we have Easter!  What should be a huge triumph for the faithful has taken the path of Christmas and has gone commercial.  Instead of celebrating the core of christian faith, the masses have turned the symbol of life to natures' biggest fornicator, the rabbit.  I don't know about you but the rabbit hasn't a damn thing to do with Jesus, his sacrifices, and what he gave to the world and for us believers.  Around my house, rabbits are merely pests that the coyotes feast on.  The little bastards don't ever leave any candy on my doorstep but all of a sudden he magically takes on super powers to be at every mall in america to take the most expensive, pointless pictures known to man.  Before you judge, the easter bunny never took any presidence in my house growing up so maybe I'm biased.  I was never really sure of Santa's fat ass either cause we didn't have a chimney and I never heard a doorbell.  Aside from that, I feel that it is time to stop glorifying fictitious things in celebration of our faith and Lord.  On top of one of the biggest lies people push on their kids is the symbol of the egg on easter.  I'm no scholar but I'm pretty sure rabbits don't shit out eggs to reproduce.  Show me ANY animal that produces chocolate and I will be the best known animal farmer the world has ever known.  Speaking of eggs, I'd like to meet whoever started bashing people over the head with hollow eggs filled with confetti and return every concussion I suffered enduring this traditional practice.  I guess you can't have fun without some kind of punishment.  The last thing I'd like to change is the label of "good" friday.  There ain't a damn thing good about what that day represents unless you have front row seats to the pointless parades that we have to mark the darkest day of Jesus' life.  So, I leave you with that as I go stand in line somewhere to find a basket with fake plastic grass and every diabetics nightmare.  All in celebration of when the world created a chocolate egg shitting rabbit.  Till next time...

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