Of Dog and Man, The inside scoop

I am an avid dog lover.  I have nothing against cats but I’m allergic to them so I’ve never been able to make the connection with them.  My current dog, who I always refer to as my son, is a three year old dachshund named Baxter.  Over the years with Baxter I’ve paid real close attention to his behavioral patterns and a few things started to bother me.  Why are men always compared to dogs?  I can see why it would be used as an insult to a man who's acting uncivilized but where did this start?  Let me break it down for you.  Every day I have to take my dog for a walk to do his business as we don't have a backyard.  He floats from tree to tree to mark his territory sniffing what seems like every blade of grass looking for the faintest scent of the other local dogs.  I just couldn’t see myself cutting my pee off midstream in the master bath to run upstairs to the guest bathroom to finish.  What would the neighbors think when they see me spell my name on my front door in urine?  How would my friends feel when they open the door to greet me and I’m pissing on their welcome mat?  Every time my son sees another dog whether male or female he goes straight for the backside to investigate God knows what.  Picture me walking into a bar and going straight to smell everyone’s behind.  Some people do that to their boss but it’s highly unlikely it would fly in everyday society.  Could you really see me getting out of my chair during a friendly game of pinochle to hump someone’s leg?  The comparisons are absurd!  My dog can lick every part of himself to stay clean.  If a man could do this, the world would fall apart!  No man would ever leave the house!  The clubs would be full of nothing but women, the porn industry would go bankrupt; you get the point.  There are some fair comparisons that I can see.  I'm about as hairy as my dog, but I blame my genetics on that one.  I'm loyal like my dog, but not everyone can say that.  Dogs are very protective and so are men.  I get those comparisons but overall I think we need to give the dogs a much deserved break.  I propose that we let the pig have his day of glory and let them carry the torch for un-behaved men.  Give the dogs of the world some dignity and some much deserved respect.  So I’m asking for a simple favor.  The next time a man disgusts you, think of my son Baxter and do the right thing.  Call him a pig.